bruce roger medici: November 2008

strange thing to call it..a blog! sounds like s "lost in space' doesnt it?
i am he who is.
i have no personality THAT STAYS IN ONE PLACE.
IF I DID I WOULD BE BORED AND WOULD BORE OTHERS.
I AM HATED AND LOVED.I AM TOLD I AM A TALENTED MUSICIAN AND TOLD TO WORK IN SOUP KITCHENS INSTEAD!

i love my god.he tests my tension to see if i can absorb peoples distste for me and what i do.
i have not been in a relationship in nearly a decade.i have not made love in that long also.i have had chances.bah! i have walked from all of them for what is making love if a person will walk away after its over?
what good is making music when people dont like it you ask???
ahhhh
BECAUSE they dont like or approve of it i feel i must be on the right track indeed!
to love is to be loved.i have been loved but as a possession.a thing.a guy who plays in bands or works with kids who are disabled.
but as me??? how can anyone love me if they dont know anything about me???
im unknown to all.
i feel it inside..a need for love.
but i cannot or will not write love songs anymore.
they dont come off as an original idea.anyone can write about a woman or a guy.
i wanna write about the wind..or the little bird that sits in the snow..how on earth do those litte creatures live in such cold weather and what do they eat???
did you know a hummingbirds heart beats over a thousand times per minuite???
how can that be if we have no creator??
we say we are the ones that rule but we are not rulers unless we rule kingdoms and kingdoms always fall.
we can only allow our holy spirit to fourish and go to others.

i was once 5 and my dad was 45..and i said:for your birthdday i shall play you on my record player.."
i would have done so.
he didnt get it at first untill i pointed to an irioning board that had a small pile of 45 rpm records on it and a small mono record player!
he then got it
hes been my friend more than anyone since my mom died so long ago..as the summer began i had a dream about her.
she had her old big purse that used to smell like leather and id alsways ask to sniff it!
she was wearing yellow..as she did on thr nite she passed on.prior to losing her,i dreamed of her in yellow...and ever since she died i have dreamed of her in yellow.
in the dream,i was with her and she took me by the arm and tiold me look..see what all there is for you here.
as we looked she waved her hand and all green grass,trees.hills and earth began to grow forth.
i said:i want to stay..i dont want to go back there!"
she said quietly,'you cannot stay now..not yet..its not time yet.i didnt wanna come home to this world again..i said..please..i dont want to leave you again"
but she said"not now..you have things still to do there"
so i went back.as i woke that morning i had a feeling of peacefullness.
i was happy.i felt id been given a glimps os what is to be someday when i no longer have to endure this world and its hatred and jealousy.
then i was talking to dad yesterday..because it was moms b day today on the 22nd.and i burst into tears as i told him about it.i had not shed a tear in over ten years.it was over as quick as it started.
recently i lost my job.and i am hurting badly but i also know that i am saved.i can make it.
and as i am here still there has got to be some reason.something needs me to be here still.
my dad is 86.when he passes i may want to pass too.will i be able to?
probably not yet again.
if that kind of beauty is waituing for me and i will be that happy i can pass that information to those who would listen that there is a god named christ who provides us sinners and disblievers with a paradise that will last forever for us who shall want it.

as to when i will see it i have no idea.
will i live to be a cripped old man with nobody who loves me/
or will i be happy someday?
i dont know that either but i do have feelings that something good will happen here before i leave this world.
im waiting to see what.
meanwhile i live each day.tommorow i shall play guitar and drums with a few friends.and have fun!
i dont know what else to say.
so i wont say anything else.
the harpy has indeed spoken

bruce roger medici