gotta get a grip

im feeling very tense.i dot know why.things that normally would not bother me are making me nervous.it could be im holding in allot again and not trying to remorse from jeffs death.
but i have to let it out.i have a friend who has a band and i may go sing tomorrow night.i think i need to belt out a skynyrd tune or maybe an allman brothers song.
they know them and they have a super good drummer so i wont have to worry about any of that stuff.just go..sing as good as i can and leave!maybe have a dr pepper which is about as high as i get these days.dont go for drugs or drink at all..besides if i could count all the crap i used to put in my body id be 120 years old before i got to the end of it.i know god hears me.i know he wants me to be ok.
but i miss my friend.i miss playing and i miss having a band..group..whatever.and i am going to start hearing different people soon because if i am going to get a band going its going to take a long time to find people.even if it doesnt and i go into a set group i sing and write and all that has to be worked out.i know god will work it out as he sees fit.
but i still have tons of energy inside that needs to come out somhow.
if that doesnt work i dont know what im going to do.i am on a group for depression but it seems that it all works on itself..if one person is down all the others topple like bricks,.and i dont need that either.
all i want is to sing gods word out to people.i do not want to give people advice or tell them how to live.i just wanna belt out the songs and be happy!
thanks for reading.