im pissed off

in all the months i have agreed to play with memphis rockabilly to help them out if thier drummer leaves the damned guy wont take one lousy nite off so i can get in there and get tight with them?
if a band never plays together they cant get tight.im ready to give up but the guitarist keeps saying we shall play soon.
its annoying.it all happened when i emailed them..having played a fill in gig with them back in the late 70s i was elated to find they were back together and had toured france in 2005.so i asked to be on thier list and that qwas all.
i got an email from jeff spencer asking if id like to audition and i went up there to boston and we kicked ass.
but they are keeping thier drummer because hes a friend of thiers.he solos like me and if he leaves..and they are certain he will im in solid.
but at least take a fucking night off!
how greedy can anyone get?
i play that stuff like you wouldnt believe and i am really a roots drummer..which explains why i seldom do anything more than a simple beat on my own stuff.
its not roots music.
but when i get into a roots band..blues or rockabilly..even country i exell.
i grew up playing jazz and swing as a child when i was nine and got into aband that had 35 black guys playing ..horns and an upright bass and all.
i had never played anything before that.just a simple beat and i was using left foot and lefthanded drumming.when i changed to right handed i was better but i can still play both ways.
so i joined any roots situation i could get into.
in 1978 i got a call from jack smith who was starting a rockabilly band and wanted me on drums.the band was called 'wildfire' and we were hot.i still had not played in a hard rock band yet!
after that fizzled out i was in many bands including ;'electric blue' which was a good solid original rock band that nearly made it.
then the 'bounce' that got offers from rca victor but the lead guitar player who wrote all the songs left and we got screwed.sadly because hes been dead for years but he knew his shit.
i never sang or wrote anything then other than poems and never considered playing anything BUT drums.
but after many many years of playing out in bands..many big ones i got sick both with crohnes desease and bipolar .
i never knew i was bipolar till they gave me steroids in the hospital and i trashed the entire room and nearly killed a nurse!
the doc who was covering said'are you bipolar?"
i was like what the fuck is that?
i worked with handicapped people but had never heard the expression before.
he put me on meds and since then i have been aware of mood swings..many bad ones.many times id leave a band just for the hell of being alone.
not regarding anyones feelings or what i was doing.
i never got a recording contract.
i could have because i was playing with neal vitullo and david howard then.they got signed and i was in the damned hospital bleeding to death.

so now im like come on!
i wanna play my drums with people.it has NOTHING to do with any christian stuff i am doing.i just wanna play!
and its like pulling teeth because when you say you have played for over 40 years people shy away..they figure you wont stay.and maybe they are right but i could stand a l;ittle fun!!!
originally that was why i joined the 4 a cross band.
i helped start it.
i wasnt playing and had not played a gig in 20 years although i was apaid session player for a long time.
that even stopped when i didnt keep in contact with the bands i was playing in.
when my friend dan hardiman said why not play drums with a christian band i said'are you out of your fucking mind?"
but he knew.he got me in and i helped them.in all fairness i wanted to just drum with them if that but they pushed my singing..only to remove it later on which hurt me badly..but thats water now.
i just lost it complete.but after playin with them for a year my chops were back and i just played..i didmtshakend and make faces anymore.
i got good again.
but my inability to communicate properly with them killed it.if i could have said i love you guys..but i need a break or i need to start writing away from the band i could have stayed.
but because i was sick and not in control i left them immediatly after we released an album.
they were luckty to get aguy fast but i could have ruined them.
instead of facing what i did i showed them rath because they never listened to my stuff..but i wasnt writing alot then.i couldnt play guitar yet well and i couldnt show them anything.if things were different now i could show them dozens of songs but its far too late.

so what does the harpy do???
join a band? no way.id just leave again.neil young always said he had trouble working ina confined space of aband and i understand his feelings well.
but i may start my own band and do christian stuff.i never thought of that till my friend sal said it last week.do it man.just do it.
so i might.but i need a pa and space.
meanwhile im on standby witmemphis who if they had any brains would go to nashville an they could record an album there.
i dont know what the hell to do but i do have a new album finished.a solo one but a damned good one this time as opposed to what i had on the first album wich was a ill show them all demo mess.the songs were all good.the recordings were rushed and messy.
not now.
the new cd will be out soon..in a month or two.
it will be called 'seconds?"
why that?cause in asecond god can rapture his saints.or else its just the second fucking cd.
anyways im done.i warned yall.i said id post one christian post and then get back to the complaining!
plus my buddys band wasnt therte tonight or id have been doing some swing and blues.
arrrggggggg!the harpy needs aband to jam with.